Written by: Sunarta | Blog: www.bagi-bagiilmusunarta.com
When we were teenagers, we knew puppy love. A crush on someone, and it felt like the world belonged to the two of us.
In high school, love became more serious. We started dating. A young couple started building dreams, "After we graduate, go to college, get a degree, get a job, let's get married." Everyone prayed for us to become a Sakinah, Mawaddah, Wa Rahmah family - a peaceful, loving, and compassionate family.
But the question is, after getting married, does everything go smoothly as we dreamed as teenagers?
The answer is: No.
The first year may still be yes, because it is still the honeymoon phase. But entering year 2, the real character starts to show. Our ancestors gave us an honest proverb: "The hardest test in building a household is the first 3 years. If you can pass it, Insya Allah it will last. If you are not strong, it will fall apart."
What Is The Root Cause Of Marriage Problems?
After I reflected, actually household problems revolve around only 2 things: MONEY and INTIMACY. From these 2 things that look simple, they can grow big and end in divorce.
1. When Money Is Tight, You Fight Every Day
At first it was just because the rent was due, the electricity bill was unpaid, the kids asked for money. Slowly it becomes blaming each other, "You are wasteful!", "You are lazy to earn money!". In the end, divorce.
2. When Money Is Plenty, Temptation Comes
The opposite, when you become rich, temptation comes. The husband starts cheating, the wife starts suspecting. Even though there is a lot of money, the heart is not at peace. In the end, also divorce.
3. Intimacy Needs Are Not Fulfilled
This is rarely discussed but is most often the trigger. Husband or wife feels unsatisfied in their intimate relationship, but is embarrassed to speak openly. In the end it is kept inside, becomes emotion, and you fight all the time.
4. A Wife Who Is Too Obedient Can Also Be A Problem
Strange but true. At first the husband is happy to have an obedient wife, everything is yes. Over time the husband feels he has no discussion partner, all decision burdens are on him alone.
5. Domestic Violence
This is already clear. A husband who likes to hit, shout, and abuse. No household can survive with violence. Once you use your hands, trust is gone immediately.
6. In-Laws Interfere Too Much
The husband is too quiet, the wife is too dominant, plus in-laws who act like they are never wrong. A household that should only be 2 people, becomes like 10 people who join in managing it.
Then How To Face It So It Doesn't Fall Apart?
Even if you change partners 1000 times, the problem will still be there. Because there is no perfect household. There are only two imperfect people who want to keep learning together.
1. Lower Your Ego, Not To Defeat, But To Give In
Marriage is not a competition about who is most right. The goal is not to win the debate, but to win together.
2. Be Aware: Differentiate Life Before And After Marriage
Before marriage, your money is your own money. After marriage, everything changes. Money is for the family, time is for the family.
3. Go Back To The Original Purpose Of Marriage
We marry to worship, to carry out our nature as God's creatures created in pairs, to continue life with children. Not to show off.
4. Open Communication About Money and Intimacy
Don't be embarrassed to talk about money. Don't be embarrassed to talk about husband-wife intimacy. Discuss it politely and with mutual respect.
5. Remember, The Neighbor's Grass Is Not Greener
Happiness is not seen from wealth and face, but from whether or not those two people want to grow together and forgive each other every day.
Closing
There is no family without problems. If someone says their household is always peaceful without ever fighting, that is a lie.
"A Sakinah family is not a family that never fights, but a family that after every fight, wants to sit together again, do istighfar together again, and say, 'Let's fix it again.'"
May our households be kept away from divorce and be made into Sakinah, Mawaddah, Wa Rahmah families until heaven. Aamiin.
In your own experience, which year was the hardest?
Write in the comments, let's learn together.








